by Jasmine Underwood

It is a weird paradox to be a PhD student and a teaching assistant; the learner and the semi-professional. We are supposed to draw on our advanced standing to teach students, but we ourselves can be plagued with imposter syndrome and feelings of inadequacy. I was asked to be a WIP TA over the summer, and like many people, everything seems more positive in the summer. I knew that this would be a wonderful opportunity and learning experience—and it is! Yet, as the beginning of the fall semester drew near, doubt started to creep in. I wondered if I could summon up the confidence and authority to evaluate and coach students on their writing.  Even on my best days, I still feel like that image of two toddlers stacked on top of each other in a trench coat, just walking around campus and hoping no one realizes it’s all a ruse. I was hoping to have this confidence dilemma worked out on the first day—or, at the very least, by the end of the first week. No such luck. Although things have gotten quite better, there is still a fair bit of trepidation each time I select “publish all feedback.”

There are times when I question if I’ve given adequate or even useful advice. In this aspect, it’s actually easier (a relief?) when a student makes a mistake. I can easily spot a mistake. But, what about good/great/excellent writing? Ideally, wonderful writers mean good grades, less work, and enjoyable reading. Yet, even in this instance, I question if I missed something, or feeling that I should have something to correct. After all, we are taught that there is always room for improvement. Thus far, three major takeaways have helped me to mitigate these issues:

1. Take a break and then review feedback before publishing. I’ve found that my second review yields additional insights, and/or, upon a second reading, I’ve felt a little too harsh about the initial review. After a meaningful mental break, I am my own “fresh pair of eyes.”

2. Ask questions! We tell this to students, but can also be guilty of it ourselves, I am fortunate to have two great professors who are available to help (and respond to their emails!). If I’m unsure, there is no need to create added pressure by racking my brain to figure it out.

3. It’s okay to get it wrong. Although no student has taken issue with my feedback/grades as of yet, when they do, I need to be honest in admitting if there is a mistake. I should be invested in a quality assessment and not in being right.

This is where I have found more confidence: the “coaching” aspect of the job. I’m not here to simply look for mistakes, that is actually the easy part. I am here to help students become better writers, which is not just a matter of right/wrong. It’s a matter of compelling ideas and coherent communication. The more that I have answered student questions, held office hours, and talked with students after class, I’ve gained on-the-job confidence. I didn’t need to have everything worked out on the first day. And, I’m looking forward to reflecting on how far I’ve come by the end of the semester.