by Nicole Rowley, Anthropology

Nobody likes being told that they are wrong. This is especially true when it comes to writing, which can be a highly personal and emotional process. Many people avoid sharing their writing with others because they are worried about receiving negative feedback. However, constructive negative feedback is nothing to be scared of—in fact, it’s something that you should seek out more often! If you’re a sensitive soul (like me), then this might seem like a literal nightmare. Historically, I have had a very hard time accepting negative feedback. It wasn’t until I started graduate school that I realized it is actually something that I should be thankful to receive. Processing and learning from negative feedback is one of the most important ways to improve your writing. So how do you move past the imposter syndrome and learn to love being critiqued? Here are four tips that have helped me:

Purposefully seek out opportunities for feedback

Think of this as exposure therapy! As a species, we humans have a natural aversion to criticism. Like anything that doesn’t come naturally, you must practice, practice, practice receiving criticism in order to get really good at it. Depending on the project, you can ask professors, mentors, peers, or even strangers to look over your writing and provide feedback. In addition to helping you develop a “thick skin,” distributing your work to a diversity of readers will also improve the quality of your piece.

Practice empathy

One of the most important parts of gracefully accepting negative feedback is to practice empathy—both toward yourself and the reviewer. It’s easy to internalize negative feedback as a personal attack, but in reality, it very rarely is. Remember that your piece does not reflect who you are as a person. Also, try to frame constructive criticism as an act of love. The person giving you feedback took time out of their lives to read your writing and cared enough to try to help you improve—if that’s not love then I don’t know what else is! Be kind to yourself and try to think the best of others.

Take time to reflect

That being said, sometimes it can feel really bad to be critiqued. Reading negative feedback can fill you with anxiety, anger, and a myriad of other unpleasant emotions. If this is the case, make sure you take time to sit and reflect on these emotions before responding or attempting to rework your piece. Take a walk, make some food, or do some other relaxing activity that will make you feel grounded. Once the initial wave of emotion subsides, you will be much more equipped to process and utilize the feedback.

Ignore the haters

I’ve mentioned the term “constructive feedback” a few times, but what does it mean? Constructive feedback is criticism that seeks to build you up, not break you down. It is usually detailed, thoughtful, and uses a respectful tone. The opposite of constructive feedback is “destructive” feedback. Destructive feedback is not helpful—the goal of criticism like this is to hurt your feelings, not to improve your writing. If the feedback you receive uses a disrespectful tone, or if it includes name-calling, insults, or any other form of personal attack, then your best bet is to ignore it. Nothing good can come out of destructive criticism. The best way to avoid receiving this sort of criticism is to ask for feedback from those with whom you share a mutual respect.

Now that I can more effectively process “negative” feedback, I experience much less anxiety during the entire process of writing. Just a few years ago, I would dread handing my papers in for review from both my peers and my professors. Now, I try to get as many of my friends, family, colleagues, and mentors to read my writing as possible. I am thankful for their contributions to both my personal and professional development. However, like the process of writing, receiving and processing feedback is something that I will always be working on. As a TA for the Writing Intensive Program, I hope that my actions and insights can help others to chug along on their own writing journey.